People say that love fades and it's the commitment that makes two people stay together. There are couples who grow closer and sweeter as the years go by while other couples who tend to go through the opposite - yet they still choose to stay together. As much as I don't fully understand how it works, I can't help but ask. Cultural differences is a hard thing to deal with. But what's even harder is when that type of difference is mixed with attitudes that have not been rid of yet. Or maybe, even the lack of flexibility to adjust or other things could cause the situation to become more complicated. I DON'T KNOW. What I know is that I have gotten used to this now but I don't want to and I don't think I ever fully would.
There are simple questions that are addressed out of curiosity, confirmation or even ignorance on some matters. To answer with a frown or a crossed eyebrow simply means that the person is annoyed or aggravated at the question. I don't understand and don't know if this is fully a normal reaction for when a person is really tired or when the answers are too obvious that it would sound plainly stupid to ask.
As you can tell, I am a person who gets into the details of things. I always seem to read every word, every line, phrase, facial expression and gestures in every conversation. I don't mean to freak people out but when I care about someone who hardly expresses the truth about what they really feel or think about things, I have to read between the lines. Though at other times I intentionally avoid doing this, it just bothers me to think how I am given an answer with a voice of irritation when my question was just very simple and kindly asked. Other times I even laugh and smile while asking and still get a response that is obviously mixed with negativity.
I think what makes me think over this so deeply and too much (yep, I admit that!) is the fact that I believe that LOVE results in kindness, in speaking slowly or kindly and not otherwise. Sure there are times where we could be at a very irritated and unhappy mood that we can't hold ourselves back but when it becomes too often then definitely there is something wrong about it.
Sometimes I question myself if this is just the work of the enemy trying to ruin a relationship of two people who have been so convicted and driven to do things for His glory through His ministry. Other times, I just feel like the relationships is not getting any better. One positive side I see though, when I don't react in a bad way, I get a response of asking for apologies. Despite the mistreatment there is still room for a talk and for forgiveness and asking forgiveness afterwards. And the other person seems to admit that the enemy was really working full time in his thoughts and ruined his joy those very moments. He seems to admit that he needs to grow more in his Spiritual walk in order to deal with these things - which I think is true and needed. Even those who seem to be mature in their faith also needs to go through the same thing.
I've asked God for some signs. I have done that before and He seems to keep bringing the person back on track. Each time things just get even better with regards to staying on track with the dos and don'ts despite some minor flaws. The most recent one had just been the best so far with regards to those things and a couple other things are repaired while others are still on the process. Everything seems to be really moving in a slow pace now unlike before where rushing and mostly wrong reasons are being the foundation of things. Despite all that, I have still been asking for signs from the Lord. Really asking Him to not make this any harder if it's just going to head into the direction of not being the way we thought or hope it would be. I fully believe though that God knows what He is doing. So no matter how hard it may be for me right now, I will let Him do His work. I will definitely do as He said to me that very night when I said these same words, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you!" (Matthew 6:33).
I therefore conclude that I will focus on that goal and nothing else as I have no clue of the outcome yet. But I have to be honest to say that I wish these things would just end right away if it isn't what we think it is. For now, I will stay patient and learn through every phase that the Lord allows me to go through. I pray that I will become more sensitive and listen more closely to the whispers of the Holy Spirit so that I may live a life full of wisdom not just in this matter but in all other things that contribute to the word called LIFE.
